took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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