This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I looked at my own cervix.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
