this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
