Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
