I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
