chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I could make wine with my vomit
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pants are for mortals
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
