I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
