you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
