over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
