...so i touched it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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