She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
