Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Alive.
So much puke
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize