the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize