Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
