Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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