ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone came in the potted fern
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
