he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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