I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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