i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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