you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
