So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
