Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
