I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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