We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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