I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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