she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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