you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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