At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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