You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
