i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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