New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize