apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
