wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
