Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
