Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
