If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
These tits shall not be calmed
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