Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
