had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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