I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
