I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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