Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize