Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
