I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
