i would one night stand the shit outta him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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