Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Semen is not good for contacts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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