It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
