im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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