I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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