I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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