Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
