Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Two words: blizzard sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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