i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
