We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't notice because vodka
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
