so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
