So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
