oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
