fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
