I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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