I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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