apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize