I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
either way he was missing a nipple.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
