You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
