Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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