I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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