I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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