did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just pee around me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize