i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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