i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
