seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
