One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize