I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Found your dick twin last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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