just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
